


only if for a night

by idioglossia



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Arthur Pendragon Returns (Merlin), Betaed, Don't copy to another site, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, It's okay guys Arthur comes back, M/M, Podfic Welcome, Post-Episode: s05e13 The Diamond of the Day, Temporary Character Death, thank you gray!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-11-07 15:54:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20819918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idioglossia/pseuds/idioglossia
Summary: One night a year, Merlin got Arthur back from the steely grip of the lake.





	only if for a night

**Author's Note:**

> Big shout out to the wonderful [gray-mark](https://gray-mark.tumblr.com/) for beta-reading!
> 
> Recommended listening for this fic: "[Only If For A Night](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MkJK2KVFsi0)", by Florence and the Machine, which also inspired this in the first place.

One night a year, Merlin got Arthur back from the steely grip of the lake.

It was always the same night: the anniversary of his death. The first time, Merlin had almost died himself from the shock. Seeing Arthur emerge, his armour still shiny and new as it sloughed off water, a confused look on his face, had moved him to tears. In fact, he’d cried from misery and horror right up until Arthur, still soaking wet, had wrapped his arms around Merlin and cried with him for what felt like forever. Then, he’d been crying from joy of it, for  _ Arthur _ , alive and in his arms.

When they finally leaned back and wiped away their tears, Merlin ran his fingers down Arthur’s face. His cheeks were still cold and damp from the lake, but they were undeniably moving with the twitches of Arthur’s lips.

“You’re really here,” he said, hardly daring to believe the words himself. “Arthur, you’re-”

Merlin had been cut off there when Arthur had taken the liberty of crushing their lips together in a kiss. It wasn’t so much pleasant or romantic as it was a confirmation that they were both here. He kissed back as forcefully as Arthur was, saying  _ yes, I’m here, we’re together again, this is happening _ as much as he was saying  _ I love you _ .

“We need to get you some dry clothes,” Merlin had said the second he’d remained his breath. They were both soaked, and the chill of the evening was starting to set in. They would need to get back to Merlin’s little cottage before either of them froze. “I don’t know if anything I have will fit you, but we’ll manage.”

Despite his words, he wasn’t keen to leave Arthur’s arms. It felt like if he let go for a mere minute, he might vanish back into the lake, leaving Merlin alone again. Still, they managed to hobble over, staying as close as they physically could. Arthur’s arm stayed firmly around Merlin’s shoulders the whole time, and Merlin’s own was looped around his waist.

Together, they stripped off their clothes, Merlin’s fingers remembering how to take off the armour more than Merlin himself. Even after a year, it was still locked into his bones. By the time they’d managed to put more on, his hands had taken to trembling violently and Arthur to pressing kisses to his neck and shoulders.

“Do you have any idea?” Arthur whispered, the breath warming Merlin’s ear. His voice was worn with disuse. “Do you have any idea how badly I’ve wanted to see you? How badly I’ve wanted to be able to touch you?”

“I do, Arthur. By the gods, I really do.” He shifted in Arthur’s grasp, so that he was better able to see his king’s- his  _ friend’s _ \- face. They were sitting together, Merlin curled up on top of Arthur’s lap, on Merlin’s bed. “You’re not the only one capable of missing someone, you know.”

The effect of his words was dampened somewhat by the fact he buried his face in Arthur’s shoulder immediately after.

“I know. For your sake, I wish I was.” A hand settled in Merlin’s hair as he spoke. “But there’s nothing to do about that now, I’m sorry.”

Merlin frowned and faced Arthur again. “What do you mean by that? You’re back again now, aren’t you?”

His face was grim, even as his hands continued to card gently through Merlin’s hair. “Somehow, I doubt it’s going to hold. I don’t feel-”

There, Arthur gestured wildly, as if  _ that _ meant anything at all. He was struggling for the words to describe it.

“Alive?” Merlin suggested, almost terrified of the answer. “Whole? Permanent?”

“Permanent, I’d say. I’m still me, but I don’t think I’m going to be me for much longer.” Arthur was matter of fact as he spoke, but the slight tremble of his bottom lip betrayed him. He didn’t want to die either.

“I’ll find some way to make it stick,” Merlin had promised, but Arthur just shook his head.

True to his word, where Arthur had laid the night before, there was a puddle of lake water in Merlin’s bed and abandoned armour by the doorway. Arthur was gone.

He’d wept for hours.

-

The next year, he had promised to be cautious.  _ No expectations _ , Merlin told himself. It might have been a fluke, or a single, horrible gift from some cruel twist of fate. He refused to get his hopes up. He refused to be heartbroken again.

That evening, he ate dinner outside, his eyes glued to the flat, shiny surface of the lake. The anticipation and worry boiled together in his chest to create a noxious fume that he was slowly choking on. Merlin had almost left; his bags had been packed, his little horse prepared, but then he’d thought of Arthur, alone by the lakeside, and he’d known he’d have to stay.

When he’d stepped out of the lake this time, much less confused, Merlin still felt completely unprepared to see him. But Arthur was there now, drenched again and still wearing last year’s clothes.

“Miss me?” He spoke with a cocky grin and all his former arrogance.

Merlin grinned too, albeit a little shakily. “Absolutely, you prat. Now get over here, or haven’t you heard that it’s rude to keep people waiting?”

“Oh, just for that, I’m- mph!”

Merlin decided that he rather liked the face Arthur made when he was being kissed into silence.

-

Many, many years had gone by since then, with similar results. With time had come knowledge; Merlin now knew that Arthur returned to the lake at sunrise and emerged at sunset. They knew that it was best if Merlin slept all day before then, so that he’d be able to stay awake until Arthur was gone. Hell, they went as far as starting to plan for next year when they were together, so that Merlin could continue to come up with a schedule on his own the rest of the time.

This year would be no different, although it had grown less painful, the longer they met up like this. Maybe it was because Merlin no longer feared that Arthur wouldn’t come back the next one, or that he’d simply had longer to adjust to daily life without his king by his side. Either way, the tightness in his chest that came with Arthur’s annual visit has eased up until it was gone completely.

Arthur emerging from the lake was met with a grin. It still took his breath away to see the love of his life stepping out of the water, the droplets gleaming in the dying light.

“Sure took you long enough,” Merlin called from his spot on the grass. “Did you spend all time trying to make yourself look acceptable?”

“At least I managed to do it, didn’t I? You on the other hand…” Arthur gestured at him, sending little droplets of water at his face. He laughed when Merlin wrinkled his nose. “Now, it is date night, isn’t it?”

“It is indeed.” He stood and they both returned to Merlin’s little cottage.

The night from there was a blur- every year, it seemed to go by faster and faster, until every hour felt like a mere second. After they went out for a quick dinner at one of Merlin’s favourite restaurants, their time had been largely dedicated to each other; Merlin telling Arthur the strangest and funniest things to happen that year, the pair recounting old happenings from back in Camelot and having messy, passionate sex.

But now, they were both showered and sitting together on the grass by the lake. Merlin felt the familiar knot in his stomach that came with knowing he’d have to wait another year to see Arthur again. That as the first glimmers of sunlight came over the land, his lover would melt back into lake water.

Still, there was nothing he could do but watch it happen. Merlin’s head laid on his shoulder as they sat in comfortable silence. Arthur was warm, at least for now, and he wanted to savour it for as long as possible.

“First light,” Arthur said softly, barely loud enough to hear. “Time for me to go.”

Merlin was reluctant as he pulled away, but he knew it had to be done if he wanted to avoid being drenched. Sometimes, he thought that it might be better to embrace the frigid water in Arthur’s last moments, but that was never how Arthur wanted to go.

“I’m not dying,” he’d said the last time Merlin had asked. “I don’t need you to hold me. I don’t want to feel like it’s that all over again.”

Now, he soaked up the image of Arthur, his face obscured by the night. First, he would start to become transparent. By the time the sky had started to change colour, Arthur would be completely liquid. By the time the sun was up properly, the water would have stopped holding its form and the only sign of Arthur would be a wet patch in the grass.

The seconds ticked on. Soon, Merlin began to realize that something was wrong.

“You’re not fading.”

Arthur held his hand up to the light and frowned. He waved it around, but it was still perfectly opaque. “Damn, you’re right. Do you think-?”

“Let’s not get our hopes up.” Merlin bit his lip. “But… maybe we can be a little optimistic?”

He reached out and took Arthur’s outstretched hand, curling their fingers together as tightly as he could. They were solid and real.

“If- if I am back, what are we going to do?” His thumb brushed over the back of Merlin’s hand, unbearably gentle. “We’ve never really planned for this.”

Merlin laughed briefly. They’d never dared to think of this, of Arthur back for good. “I’ll tell you what we’re going to do; we’re going to go back inside and you’re going to screw my brains out.”

“Sounds like a good plan to me,” Arthur smiled, and even though it was strained, Merlin could see the hope in it.

The sun crept higher and higher in the sky and it began to really sink in that Arthur might actually be back. He could hardly bear to think that this was some trick, and was relieved as time went on and it seemed more and more unlikely.

Finally, the full light of dawn shone over them. They were both painted in tones of pink and yellow and the beginnings of blue, hands still clasped, both still solid.

Arthur glanced at him. “Think we can start to hope now?”

Instead of replying, Merlin launched himself at him. They ended up a tumble of limbs on the banks of the lake that had held Arthur captive for so long. On some other level, Merlin knew that there was a reason for Arthur’s return, some task that needed doing, but for the moment, he didn’t care.

Arthur was back. They’d work it out from there.

**Author's Note:**

> Aaand that's a wrap! The fic is over. For more content, come party/cry with me at [nonbinary-androids](https://nonbinary-androids.tumblr.com/)!


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